The downside Saver: Do not pull on another of its energy! Bashny.Net

Care, support and wish only the best for a loved one - is it bad

Is it bad to love, support, guide, care, worry, think about it? Is it bad ?!

Not bad, but if what you are doing for the other - the desire of the Other, his energy, his commitment is more than your

. If on the contrary, if your energy in this process many times more you pull, persuade, exhort, in control, to make sure that this friend (husband, brother, father, mother, a close friend, an adult son and adult daughter) is very necessary - take care of your health, lose weight, get away from the alcoholic-husband, to receive higher education, exercise, move, find another job, quit drinking, to change your life, and you invest, invest, invest ...

And your loved one is doing you a favor by making it for yourself ...



All you're trapped!

Remember in school, the teacher said: "It's necessary for you! Learn, try! It is necessary for you! »

Who needs? Feels whether a child, a teenager, that he needs to learn? No. And who needs it? Teachers, educators, parents - and rescuers "claimants" of all stripes. The energies of the child's wishes in this. His need a completely different, but not in training.

If what you do for a loved one, you no longer need to, than him, you get no support on which to lean, and the rescuer in the one who pulls another on their energy.

Lifeguard - is the one who pulls another on their energy

. Rescuing necessary and important! When the house is on fire, and you need to make for yourself choking residents. When people are helpless and they can not help themselves. When they are immobilized, no sanity in asthmatic fit, in a heavy alcoholic intoxication, under the influence of drugs, drown in the river, they have an accident under the rubble. At a time when people really need help and can not rely on myself.

In all other cases, your salvation - this is the responsibility of the individual. And the bridge to his dream he has to build on its own power.

To help, support, advise - please! But as to your help and support was twenty percent of what a person does in this direction himself. He has no strength, energy, desire - to go on to a brighter path that you see for it, and it is the way to go. And if there is at least some desire and self-energy, let it invests as much as can gradually prostraivaya its own bridge to your bright future.

If you become the main pillar of this bridge, the most interested person to have this remarkable man all turned out (to the husband stopped drinking, the son went to university, a daughter graduated vvuzov, girlfriend found a suitable job, my mother took my health, my father has made concessions, brother realized his talent), you run the risk of pulling on a much more practically everything, and fully responsible for the success of the enterprise.

In addition, there is great risk that the person whose happiness you so desire zealously, one day will send you to hell with all your sincere support and a clear vision of his good fortune. And all your strength, energy, and time will be thrown into the pipe, and trampled impaired.

Neither of which thanks to which you are deep down hoping you do not get. No love, no gratitude. Only a deep sense of resentment, frustration and a sense of their own stupidity and use - this is what remains in the dry residue from the hero-rescuer, who in good faith toils for himself and for the guy, wanting the best for their loved ones
.
Make it a benchmark formula: "20 + 80", where 80% - this is a person's own efforts, and 20% - that is your help and support

. "Trap for a lifeguard." It's a shame the party taking care of our loved ones

When I was the head of a public organization dedicated to help orphans and needy families, the wise grantors (sponsoring organizations that provide volunteer organizations such as our money on social projects), allocated only 20% of the desired us to the draft budget.

"Do you like the idea you want to implement it, believe in it? Then invest the energy, financial, look for more sources, move, work! And we will support. Why not support, if the person himself does a lot for the realization of their dreams ?! »

Between the support and the imposition, dictates its conditions, control and pressure - a fine line

. Rescuers are often the "dictators of the right of life," the persecutors are saved for the poor, making them sacrifice their own ambitions.

Before you save someone, ask yourself: "And who needs it? Who is the main person involved in that all this happened? "

Does my husband stop drinking, the wife find a job, mom to do health, lose weight sister, and my brother get out of debt? Dreaming Is your son to go to university, and his daughter to learn English? Do I need a new job your girlfriend or her happy with this old?

And the most important identification mark - whether the person is invested in all this

. The rescuer can become "Supports for" if he submits an adult hand child who goes through a narrow curb:

"If you want to go, do you have an interest, whether you like it? Here is my hand! I stand by!. »

Author: Irina Dybov