Jewish joke Bashny.Net

- You're still punish me tonight?
 - Come on, little Sophie, you are in no way to blame.
***
Doorbell:
 - Oh, hello! You have been warned that will come.
 - Why, I wanted to catch you at home.
***
Large. The seller fit two Jews:
 - By what your chicken?
 - Ten rubles.
One Jew to another:
 - Yasha, he wants eight rubles, give it six?
 - Give me four and take delivery of two.
 - Here, keep the ruble and give here your dead chicken.
***
On television, praise the artist:
 - One brush stroke, he can turn into a crying laughing face.
 - Oh, I beg you - comments Monya,
 - My little Sophie broom, can do the same thing !!!
***
Sarah gradually beginning to feel that love battle with her husband, eventually turned into a friendly meeting of veterans.
***
Checking Privoz:
 - Do you have documents on this fish?
 - A sho you do need? Death Certificate?
***
Tatyana, why are you a second time is not married?
 - You know, I have a dog that growls, a parrot that repeats my words, a fireplace that smokes and the cat who walks by night. Do you think that this is not enough?
***
My wife -mudraya woman! Even if we had a fight with her and do not talk, I was always waiting at home after work, a tasty dinner: soup, dumplings, stewed! However, all in one dish ...
***
...
***
- You do not say how much it cost the meat?
- Why did not I say ?! We are with you unless quarreled?
***
Odessa phrases:
You go away, thank God, or remains, God forbid?
I have you to say something ...
Oh, do not try to persuade me, and so I agree!
Has become arrogant, as traffic cop with the prestigious crossroads.
I respect you, though already forgot what!
Well, you look at this patriot at my expense!
Shaw so bad live - current in one hand bag?
On you, is to throw out! Picked up and died in the midst of full health!
You sho, quarreled with brains ???
Well, you will buy, or you forget me forever?
Schaz I'll make you a scandal and you will have fun.
Dear tenants! Have conscience, throw garbage in the neighboring yard!
Fima, do not comb my nerves ...
Comrades You are disturbing me impressed!
In Odessa Tram: - Madam, your foot across my throat became ...
Sho do you want from my life? Already sit and do not ask questions ...
In-law - is a foreign body in the house ...
Do you have money to behave this way?
Yasha, look what her hip song!
Senya not Beige so quickly, and then, God forbid, catching his heart attack.
Man, you tulites forward me? You are not standing.
Do not take me to the place where the spin ends his noble title!
Ta I do not need to do the nerves, there is someone to spoil them.
Do not want to upset you, but I'm fine.
You sho, hurry rather than me ?!
Smile ... tomorrow will be worse ...
I myself know, and you yourself think that you want.
***
- Sarah, do not you dare contradict me!
- Abramchik, and I do not mind. I am silent.
- Then take away the view from my face!
***
The Jews asked: Do you have six apples, if you give half brother, how many apples ostanetsja?
-So Five and a half.
***
Monya, throw this kaku!
 - Mom, you okay ...
 - Monia, I tell you, throw this kaku!
 - Well, Mom, I'm 50 years old and I am 30 years old live with it, we have children.
***
Israeli SQL-server responds to a query request.
***
 - My God, my wife is such a fool, such a fool! Thank you, Lord!
***
Izzy says in the car long distance trains endless Jewish jokes. Here again he begins: "Go Rabinovich ..." Neighbor in coupe asks: ...
- Please ... not even once about Rabinovitch.
- Well ... My wife is giving birth ...
Rabinowitz - But I'm not asking about ... Rabinovitch!
- And you do not interrupt - the child is not Rabinovich!
***
 - Rose Markovna why you decided to divorce her husband?
 - That I can not live with him because he treats me like a dog.
 - And what is expressed?
 - It requires me loyalty ...
***
Travel speed Tsilechki Shopping: $ 200 per hour ...
***
 - Sema, you went to get a job?
 - D-Y-yes.
 - And where?
 - Dd-speaker n-n-p-p on radio.
 - And sho took?
 - Nn-no.
 - Why?
 - Ee-Jew.
***
 - How are you doing in your personal life?
 - This is a question or attempt to humiliate?
***
 - I am the way, the mother of seven children, and my husband says ...
 - Oh, you still have time to talk !?
***
In Odessa brothel:
 - And sho terrible, and even the evil prostitute you slipped mine ?!
 - Well, Lazarus L., did you asked that was cheap and cheerful! ..
***
Rosette, do not offer the same mine hundred grams for courage, give four and I will go to the exploits !!!
***
--Conya, Vie virgin?
--with One hand yes!
***
 - Fima, you know, and after all my Semotchka still stopped mene change!
 - Shaw vie say! And for a long time?
 - Tomorrow, exactly 40 days.
***
-Rozochka, Come in an amicable divorce ...
Well certainly not, the widow took the widow and leave!
***
On the morning in the courtyard there was an inscription:,, men are bad !!!! & quot; ... finished writing below: .., YOU, Sara Abramovna also not a gift ...... & quot;
***
Dodik at a reception at the therapist.
 - Well, I'll tell you sho, sick, try to pour cold water on the snow barefoot running, little wheat germ eat. That immunity and strengthen ...
 - Oh, you know sho, doctor - better let me be snot than schizophrenia!
***

***
 - Yasha, as your beauty?
 - The oil should be changed ... Or are you talking about little Sophie?
***
There are two odessite:
- Semen Markovich, you such a suit! Now these do not even bury ...
***
- Abraham, already head broke! At one wedding, the other funeral. All in one day. Sho choose?
- Funeral.
- Why?
- All the same, but without gifts.
***
Jewish mother teaches her son's skinny ochkastenkogo:
- Son, you're beginning to get married to a Ukrainian. She fattening you borscht, become beautiful. Then divorced and marry a Jewish woman, she will bear you children right. When you will be 60 years old, again divorced and marry a gypsy.
Sonny:
- A gypsy-why?
Mom:
- How do they bury how to bury!