Calendars for 2011 Bashny.Net

When accidentally learned how to live some people, they start to look homeless or aliens. It does not really matter where a person lives - in Moscow and outside Moscow, in district or village Starokapustino Volgodryuchensk: everywhere there are drunkards and its intellectuals. But sometimes a sign that there are a number of very different world. For example, I was surprised to have learned a few years ago (and has since hardly anything has changed), which is the most popular edition of our country is not any «MAXIM», «Cosmopolitan", "Komsomolskaya Pravda" and the newspaper "Solidarity" and a newspaper HLS - "Healthy Lifestyle", with a circulation of two million. Two million! Who would have guessed that a newspaper from the trains, the Council treat pneumonia turnip juice has so many readers? Who are these two million? Where are they? The living conditions than suffer, and why not cause a doctor? Riddle. But it is clear that they are among us.
9 ph © Leonid Kaganov





Frankly, I always liked the tear-off calendars as a kind antique idea, but it was not clear how they hang on the wall in a city apartment - the highlight not pribesh. I have friends, too, have never seen a tear-off calendar in action - only on newsstands. So, someone buys them? Who? And now I go to a bookstore recently, "Young Guard" and I see a miracle: a table with a wide range of vouchers calendars for 2011. All 20 rubles - the approach and flipping. And now I see them, and I notice that the range is slightly strange. Understandably, there is a church calendar - well, different calendar, name and deeds. Of course, there is the astrological - what awaits today Aries, and that the Scorpion. Of course, there is a calendar cooking - recipes and techniques of home canning. And, of course, there is a sense of humor - jokes. Of course, bearded and slightly adapted - if compilers anecdote seemed too complicated, they painted the ending openly that there were no doubts where to laugh. In general, the tear-off calendar of humor is also an amateur, but let's not quibble. But the biggest part of the range occupied by a series of tear-off calendar with striking names: "Your Health", "Family Doctor", "We are treated yourself", "Home netlozhka" - and so on in the same spirit. Among them, the most infernal turned tear-off calendar, entitled "2011. While waiting for the doctor. "



Every day in the calendar - the holiday. Here, for example, as the first days of the year entitled:

January 1 - Pain in the shoulder girdle, arm

January 5 - Wounds

January 6 - Cold

January 7 - Blood (just "Blood", as it turned out from the text - not even pressure and bleeding. - LK)

January 8 - Angina

January 9 - Warming compresses

January 10 - Bad breath

11 and 12 January - alcohol poisoning

January 13 - The wounds (wounds were 2 January, but then again we have alcohol poisoning, so it's no surprise. - LK)

January 14 - Treatment of wounds



And so - every day! Rip daily leaf by leaf, and every day - a holiday: fractures, suffocation, convulsions, tetanus, miscarriages, gangrene and scabies (it, by the way, it is advised to treat potato broth and kvass instead of trekking to the doctor, and current medications). Flipping at random: November 2 - lightning stroke, December 21 - high enema, and on December 3 the contrary - microclysters. November 22 - Diagnosis of calluses on his feet.

Some sheets are arranged in the sequence of event-driven, for example, ends the year as follows: 25 - December 27 - the total freeze, December 28 - shock, December 29 - collapse, and December 30 - fractures in children (apparently found guilty).



DECEMBER 17: senility. "A middle aged man may look frail, sick old man, and vice versa, the venerable patriarch - youthful and energetic ..." Patriarch liked, I suppose.

Special attention is paid poisoning. November 30 - Thermopsis, December 2 - phenol, December 12 - phosphorus, December 22 - chlorine, July 30 - mothballs. Lord, where and how these people live and what they drink, if they actually poisoned by gasoline and kerosene September 29?



Rare day dedicated to the disease. For example, on September 30 - the incompatibility of essential drugs. You know what, it turns out, we have essential medicines? Salts of iron, iodine, potassium permanganate, camphor, sulfur, ammonia, and mercury ointment. Not all of them are compatible with each other, and talks about what a piece. God, who are these people who are treated with sulfur and lead salts? Where they get potassium permanganate and camphor? Where the hell have to live in 2011, it occurred to produce their own patch?



But there were worse things. I do not now about the treatment of tuberculosis milled Medvedkov. There is a calendar of the disease and recipes that capture the imagination instantly. Particular shuddering is, of course, a piece for November 18, which gives detailed advice how to revive dead people frozen to death and lay in the form of ice for several days:



Could there be a more valuable advice? Maybe! May 17 - the revival of the hanged. Where, in addition to poultices, and other restorative procedures, it is recommended to blow hanged in the anus through a special for such cases bone tube:



In the courtyard, note, XXI Century. The center of Moscow, glass shelves modern bookstore. And it's not humor, it's a real polygraph products. Friends, beware! The target audience of this calendar (100 thousand copies) somewhere nearby! They walk around and occasionally willing to blow into a tube bone.



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