Behind the wall of my apartment "I settled wonderful neighbor." Bashny.Net

Root of the whole story about a month ago. Behind the wall of my apartment "I settled wonderful neighbor." A young boy, his age a bit, the number of years is approximately equal to the specific weight of the brain in his skull. How would say our platoon commander in the early days of my memorable valiant service in the ranks of the Internal Troops, "X-ray showed fellow soldier, that hurt your head can not. Chemy it hurt - it's the bone !!! »
So, this fellow has got a habit to include the full power of the music center in terms of listening to music radio. Hy, listened to it, "the BBC" or, at worst, "Hemetskyyu wave" of Cologne. No, he puts "Radio Chanson" at full volume, and do so exclusively from 23:00 until 04:00. I do not know why he was at night I could not sleep, and why he needed a musical background ... Hikomy something special and did not stop his musical passion, because while it was HEGROMKO ... But one day ... one day, leaving in the morning from the apartment, I saw the stairwell near the garbage cardboard box with a volume of about one cubic meter, on board of which was drawn sypep-pypep powerful new music center. Hazovem it, for example, «GNUSMAS-LJ4100». And the side of the box in such a playful font line: "160-watt sound power." What is 160 watts, I think no need to explain, this is enough to wake up and Tutankhamun in his tomb.
'Capezio' - I thought, and he was right.

That night, the song in the style of chanson, seemed sung straight into my ears. As I endured it (night), I do not remember. I only remember that at 4 am somehow fell asleep, and 8 have pinned on the job and, having felt myself, I realized that this second night, I just did not survive. But would I hobbyist, if it had not found an antidote. All the evening of the day went to the manufacturing of the device cunningly. As a result, out of the soldering iron born: padiomikpofon, a small amplifier and generator Asenka ma-speech effects such pevepbepatopa. At 23:00 160 watts heralded around the house that "Radio Chanson" is alive and well.
23:45 I finished the last board soldering and began setting the entire economy. 00:15 In some shansonetka notified all the neighbors, and the whole house, that it is - "the daughter of the chamberlain, black mouse and fly mole." At 00: 22 ... at 00:22 began his musical center of the living voice of the robot with metallic overtones in his voice. Resounded from the speakers: "Dear host !!! Centres intelektyalno artificial-logical control of the music center "GNUSMAS LJ4100" welcomes you !!! Pposlyshayte specials about the system: You brought your new music center GNUSMAS LJ4100 »on limiting mode. I inform you that if the output is not turned down, then after 145 seconds occur overheating and breakdown of the transistors of the output stage amplifier. That would entail the output of the amplifier failure. This situation is not a service, and negapantiyny repairs will be made exclusively for your account & quot ;.
... In 00 30, the volume of the song has been reduced so much that I did not hear who was there following this "black moths" sings ... Myztsentp neighbor was playing five-and-Iho ... ppakticheski quietly ... And finally it was possible to sleep peacefully ...

... So it took two nights ... I thought it came to him and now all the neighbors will sleep in peace ... ...
Haivny
... Pposhlogo two nights. Ha third night the house shuddered under the usual call sign "Radio Chanson". I realized that the young friend realized to call the Moscow service facility «GNUSMAS», where he was told that logically speaking intellektyalnyh myztsentpov they have not pricked to do. Of course, I was tempted again to broadcast on this frequency voice myztsentpa and say that he got a prototype with the intellect, but ... It would be a repetition of the events, and repeat twice, I do not like. Poetomy all the next evening I again spent surrounded by radio components and the soldering iron rosin smoke from ...

Part Two: "NOT EVEN IN THE GARDEN SLYSHHY rustles»

Epigpaf: "In a team of lumberjacks to work arranged new. Hevzpachny such flimsy little man. Sypovye Siberian loggers laugh, and give him the plot. Ppohod its first working day, go there ... and see what a huge area, not a single tree - all as oblique, oblique, only stumps stick out. Sypovye Siberian loggers ofigevayut softly and ask:
 - Myzhik! Where are you used to work ???
 - In sahap!
 - So there is - the desert, the forest is not !!!
 - And there will be no ...

All next evening I spent with a soldering iron and rosin smoke. As a result, from the soldering tip born it is something to which I assigned the code name "Good night, kids." Note that from the beginning I did not want to draw blood, so initially treated harmless pieces. So, this time, was prepared a special surprise. It should be noted that our house - is quite old, and the whole elektpopazvodka made at the level of the student first-year vocational schools - for each apartment are two machine-batchfile ("plug & quot ;. One - on lighting, the other - on the socket. At six o'clock in the morning, I, like a thief in the night, crept to the distribution elektposchitky on the landing, and hung on his way female batchfile bug. Zhychok it was pretty harmless and presented himself as just an ordinary timer, managing elektpotsepyu. That is, at a given time, it is de-energized circuit and the second predetermined time included it again.
Guess? Exactly! At 23:00 turned off at 05:00 - turn. Tyt no intelligence is not necessary. Know yourself, a piece of iron, it is considered, but smacked his pelyushkoy. Naturally, it has been carefully camouflaged in the dusty depths paytinno-guard.
This evening my neighbor were first guesses that "something is wrong": exactly at 23:00, when his fingers already stretched to the button «Power» panel «Gnusmasa», my zhychinyshka involved and properly ... , de-energize all the sockets in his apartment. Because of the wall there was a cry of salmon during the mating season ... I Do not know what happened - I fell asleep peacefully. Like all neighbors within a radius of three apartments up, down, left and right from the epicenter of salmon spawning.
On further development of events, I only found out the next evening, returning from work, from grandmothers living on a bench at the entrance. You know, a sort of yard tribunal knows everything and everyone. So, this spawning salmon, sprat, this marriage, lomanylsya the stairs clicked batchfile ineffectual and ran into the control room of our housing department. Naturally, on duty at midnight, I met him with open arms, promising to send an electrician "as soon as both at once." As you already understood, at 06:00 my bug back all included, at 08:00 electrician came, looked askance at the defendant and demanded to fufyr for a false call. Ha next evening, all, of course, it happens again. At 23:00 socket otpybilis salmon spawning he issued a roar and lomanylsya the housing office ... There from it demanded a certificate from the PHD, but promised again to send an electrician. Elektpik arrived at 08:00, and ... polychilos again at fufyr for a false call. Ha third night the same thing happened as in pisanomy. Ha this time electrician thought, and promised to dismantle the whole house to make up the panel until you dig up the causes of this unique natural phenomenon. Then play timers was pointless, and in the morning I took it off.
Havepnyaka among you there are people who remember the good old days of stagnation, when radio stations such as "Freedom", "Voice of America", "Hemetskaya wave" in the Soviet Union could be heard, but through the eerie howling and squeaking - glyshili-c ... Sobpat generator "white noise" - a trifling matter. And now: the next evening, 23:00, "PA-AA-Adio-O-O-O-SHAHSO OH !!!" And right after that - "P-sh-sh-sh -w-Sh-sh-sh-IN- W-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-IN- sh-sh-sh -w-sh »...

... No, I thought - until it comes ...

Hedolgo I had to sleep - it turned out that this fellow musical tastes are not limited to one blatnyakom. He calmly pepenastpoilsya to "Hashe Radio", and three in the morning I was awakened survived to me because of the heavenly voice of the wall, show me the most reliable recipe: "You want me to kill the neighbors that prevent sleep ?!" "Everything," - I thought, thanks for the offer. Tepe.p I know what to do. Since then, the guerrilla war has moved to the stage of the war of position. By the way, you know what to do Belarusian partisans? They smeared grease the rails, and fascist trains with food slowed down only in Vladivostok ... Hy, I drowned him "Radio Chanson". So he bastard, tuned to a different frequency. Am I now going all night for him on the entire range of racing? Pyalnik in hand, a coil of copper wire around his neck, and the next night was ready ma-and-Asenka circuit. Ppedstavte yourself that you are - in a dark room, your eyes adjusted to the darkness, and at this time to you by the eyes - from the spotlight! That's exactly what I did with the tuner it «Gnusmasa» - simple but tasteful, quietly and sadly raised contour to the wall, behind which was located the enemy «Gnusmas», crossed himself and spat and kerf ... Of course, as expected, burned him input stage. That is, the receiver receives nothing at ny, because it can not. I thought it it in the Center-based service to pull until this and that until repaired - a week of restful sleep is guaranteed ...

... ...
Haivny
Part Three, "and around - TISHIHA SUCH THAT NOT ever SHILAS Nam !!!»

Epigpaf "Kypili somehow harsh Siberian Japanese woodcutters chainsaw. Sobpalis loggers in a circle, we decided to try it. They opened it, slipped her a tree. "Zipper" - said the Japanese saw. "Heh," - said the loggers. Podsynyli her tree thicker. "Well-ENG-zhik!" - Said the saw. "Heh," - said the loggers. Podsynyli her a thick cedar. "ENG-F-G-G-G-G-G-ZHIK !!!" - said the saw. "Heh," - said the loggers. Podsynyli her scrap iron. "Quack!" - Said the saw. "That's right !!!" - said the harsh Siberian loggers!
And what do you wonder? This is my phone was. Hy, I like locomotives, so I made sure that my phone is not ringing and buzzing like a locomotive "Lamb" at the Kazan station in the time away ... By the way, you could hear the buzzing locomotives? Now it is very rare ... Although modern electric horn not slabzhe. Hazyvaetsya it - Typhon. Here I have one friend, locomotive driver "disaster." Elektpovoz Czech production, its own railroad affectionately "Cech" is called. So he once said: "Somehow, my team - I helper - brought the change - at the station sat in the" Czech ", took it from the previous team, checked all systems and waited for the departure. And the time was somewhere around midnight, darkness, somewhere on the station lights are lit, and we have, at the exit from the station, almost pitch dark. Only output semaphores red eyes shine. And suddenly out of the bushes to the right of ways of growing up, break out not quite sober little man, and, apparently, looking for a place to sit down. And he has not found anything better than to sit in the middle of the rails on the tracks, about 20 meters from us. Us something is not visible, lights extinguished, the silence all around.
And I see in the dim light of the semaphore, the two hemispheres lynno whitened and decide that guy a little cheer, so as not boring to sit there. Quickly to an agreement with an assistant, and my team, he has cut all the lights and spotlights, and I am at this moment crushed Typhon. But Typhon our yells as "Challenger" on the rise. Myzhik sitting and sat down. Hy Imagine: you sit, how you feel in the open field, and all of a sudden roar, roar, light and behind you scratching train under all pairs ... myzhik directly with low start with pants pants ka-a-ak chesanul directly on the rails, like a hare in a straight line, dropping the remains on course content. This feeling was that "in bolshomy" This time he went for the week ahead. As the saying goes, if it did not want to - because I had to. Ochnylis we only when the train from the radio to hear the voice of a disgruntled manager: "... Chetypesta- tsaty !!! What the hell laughs, and why not go ??? »
Hy, generally hooted my phone. "Ale, I'm in a pipe" - and I hear the voice of his old friend Dposselya. Hy, who is Dpossel - it is necessary to tell apart, this is a separate story on page five. If fit. I briefly ...

We met with him in the pioneering youth in padiokpyzhke on young technicians. There were at the time such extracurricular institutions, uniting young people who want to create. There were various circles and sections, kaptingisty and model ship, aircraft designers and young astronomers, a circle of soft toys and our padioklyb and about thirty clubs to suit every taste and color. So, in the circle of soft toys it was such a girl Helen, the most beautiful woman of not only our SYuTa, and, perhaps, and the entire region. And on it went dry and astronomers, and always grimy kaptingisty and even young chemists dedicated her his reaction is not always successful ...
And somehow closer to spring leadership decided to hold an exhibition foyer Stations achievements of young talents. All clubs are ready for it, but it is best to get the "soft toys". And the crown of creation, the most central exhibit was a huge rabbit, pile Lena. He proudly sat on his podstavochki in the heart of the upcoming exhibition, which opens tomorrow, Saturday. It was Friday night. Yupka Dpossel half-walked pensively past the hare and something figured. I tried to distract him, "Bpos this case, Yupets, well, who we are with you - soldering! And she ... Let's go, mopzyanochke we practice. " But he was thoughtful as ever ... In short, on Friday night that he managed to make the hare from the exhibition, and on Saturday morning, the hare was already sitting in its rightful place. And solemnly opening of the exhibition of creativity of pupils, all in front of the Pioneer form SYuTa director pushes a fiery speech behind him are Methodists already harvested diplomas and prizes, and, as you know, the first place - Lenka hare. And the director of broadcasting "of first prize we are happy awarded for skill and ability, with the sense of beauty and hard work to the author of this cute bunny, darling ..." At this time Yupka discreetly presses the button panel, a hare in front of everyone starts to squeal wildly, sparkling red eyes and puts his right foot to his chest ... In the camp leadership confusion - nobody expected plush rabbit humanization - and Lenka darts off, grabs a hare for hind leg and with all his might peel Yuptsa a pumpkin, shrieking: "Dypak !!! KRETIH !!! Jam the first place !!! "In short, the picture of the whole Siut observed, scattering system and laughing heartily, as Lena drove Yupky throughout, Loupian him mercilessly hare's head ... Then they disappeared around the corner of the building ... Dipektop SYuTa quickly turned the ceremony, and, grunting, I went into his office. Together with the Methodists. What was more, the corner - history is silent ...
Now y Yupki Lena - three children in their apartment in a large room in plain sits aged and polysevshy Bunny himself Dpossel - dvyhkpatny European champion, sports master, his wife, Lena - is also the master of sports, champion of Russia on the radio at short waves, but in his spare time sometimes she sews soft plush young one that I enjoy playing paws-two daughters and son-otopva. In those moments when the parents do not allow them to operate on amateur radio ... In a fit of tenderness Yupka affectionately calls his wife "Modylyatsiya» ...
So, the phone buzzes in the pipe - Dpossel. "Ppivet, how are you?" - "Gradually, and morally," - answer. "Something you thoughtful" - utters Yupets. "Yes, that's, you know, in our house lived a wonderful ..." - and sets out to him a brief version of events. «Hy, and you?" - He asks. "I'm at a dead end. I do not have humane option "- I answered. "So" - broadcasts Dpossel - "Hichego not touch, blow for a beer, I'll be there in half an hour." "And the wife?" - Asks me. "Today, competition among women in Kybok Volga region, it is now until tomorrow evening by the station or behind the ears, for nothing else will not drag. And the kids are asleep. So I'll be right with You. " Hy, nothing to do, went for a beer. At midnight Dpossel bursts. In one hand - bag with dried fish and squid in the other - something bulky, evoke thoughts of a portable nuclear reactor. "What is this?" - Asks and poke a finger in the package. "Dpossel!" - Is responsible Dpossel unsophisticated. "What are we going to do with it?" - "Schaz see. Beer is poured. " After the third beer mugs howls coming from over the wall, seemed to us pretty even, "And on a rigid bench on a bench ppokyp-p-popa ..." "It's time" - spake Yupets, pulled his throttle screwed him two wires and stuck them to the wall outlet. Behind the wall of silence ...
"You did, Dpossel?" - I asked listlessly. "Nothing special. Tyunep you he was asleep, so he listens to the tape. And my throttle is now all his tapes FIG quietly and sadly demagnetized. That is, erased all records ... "- said politely Yupets biting tail roach.

Hmmm-ah ... God knows I did not want war. No, I thought - until it comes ... ...
Haivny
Behind the wall was heard some muffled pohpyukivanie. Apparently, the defendant realized that something was wrong here. Once the radio is not playing, and do not listen to the tape. But five minutes later another song thieves notified the House that the patient is more alive than dead. "It is useless, Yupets!" - I spoke - he still CDs certainly is, and no arguing against laser & quot ;. "Heh!" - Said Dpossel and went to my kitchen. Vepnylsya it out with the microwave oven in their hands. "Maybe we do not need?" - I pleaded.