Jokes for today 2 Bashny.Net

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One couple celebrates 75th anniversary of living together.
Santa asks grandma:
 - Listen, old, over 75 years you and I have grown ten
sons. Explain to me why, when all of them are similar to each
on the other, the first is different from all the others?
Did you once cheated on me?
 - You know, my grandfather, I have sinned.
 - Well, who is the father of the first son?
 - You.

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An interesting observation:
P - Ust pedestrians run clumsily through the puddles
And - water on the asphalt river,
In - ed is not clear to passers-by on this day bad weather
Oh - that what I'm such a happy

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My mother wrote a letter to his son in jail:
 - Son, ever since you put me all the harder to cope on Gospodarstwa. Now it is necessary to dig a vegetable garden and plant potatoes, and no one to help.
Son unsubscribe:
 - Mom, you do not touch the garden and dig up something that you and I will put a term to add.
Mom:
 - Sonny, after your last letter came the police, the whole garden digging, they found nothing. Gone are evil, swearing.
Son:
 - What I can - help. Potato plant themselves.

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Treat sex with humor - I did not get up, to laugh and bainki.

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Went to a man in an antique shop, looked sluggish on the counter, I was about to leave. Suddenly sees the entrance kitty drinking milk and saucer [mother can not see!] - Tutankhamun! 7th century BC!
A man returns to the seller:
 - Sorry, I'm a lonely man, living without friends ... This is your cat liked me so ... you could not give it to me?
 - No no. Its that my kids love.
 - Well, I'm so lonely ... I'll give you $ 10 ...
 - No, no, not for sale.
Finally, at $ 150 a bargain. A guy walks away, turns around in the doorway:
 - Your cat probably used to drink out of the saucer, you do not give?
 - No no.
 - I told you 10 bucks for it ladies ...
 - What do you mean, it's Tutankhamen, 7th century BC ... I have 87 cats sold ...

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 - Dad, what's the note?
 - You see, my son, is a MIDI-file only on paper ...

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2 girlfriends quarrel:
-dur!
-The Fool!
Guy:
-Uspokoytes, Both of you are right!

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The boy and the girl look the book "Animal World" and argue:
-Can!
No, can not!
Well let's go check.
Come into the kitchen to her grandmother and ask:
-Babushka, You can be the life of the children?
What you guys, of course not!
-Well, I told you that she was a male!

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England. On the banks of the Thames and walking two Lord suddenly see a dead horse.
First Lord:
-Let Take this horse to my house and put in a bath.
-Why?
The representing, I call and ask the butler to fill the tub. He comes back and says: There is a horse, sir! And I answer: I know, sir!
So they did. Lord Butler calls and requests to fill a bath. After a while he comes and says that the bath is ready. Lord:
-But There is a horse, sir!
Butler:
I know, sir!

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-Another One second, and I'll kill you!
-One Seconds have passed!
-Time Heals all wounds ...

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They say many will know, grow old! Take a look: young people up to what looks like!
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She drove the car to the car wash and mechanic says:
 - After someone train me in the car, it appears a strange odor. And when I travel alone, there is the smell.
Mechanic her:
 - Well, let's eaten together.
He sat down with her ... And she drove through the streets on a wild speed. Vilani, beating on the curbs on one side of the road, then on the other. Hardly are leaving colliding almost knocked passersby ... Returned ...
 - Here! Do you feel? Again, the smell!
 - I feel? .. Yes, I'm in it !!!

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Due to the insufficient protection of teeth Orbit Professional company released tablets Service Pack, which must be taken immediately after the Orbit ...

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Meaningful sentence in Russian words of six, five of which verbs:
It's time to get up to come to buy a drink.
The complete proposal of the five verbs with no punctuation and unions:
We decided to send go to buy a drink.

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In the new version of Windows Russification it spent 50 liters of vodka.

 - Aunts Gal, I Masha your order ...
 - Well, get married!
 - Nah, I did that, the tractor moved ...

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Comes a man in a jewelry store. Devuschka-saleswoman:
 - Oh, man, how well you have come to us, Valentine's Day, we have two weeks 20% discount, buy something as a gift to your girl. Here kulonchik gold heart-shaped, your girl will love.
A man is sad:
 - I do not have a girl ...
Saleswoman coyly:
 - Do not be such a prominent, handsome, tall man, and no woman? Why ?!
A man is sad:
 - The wife does not allow.

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 - While diver Sidorov jumps nine revolutions with a ten-tower, suddenly went out of the pool water. But our athlete kept his head and, taking advantage of the lack of water made before the death of one more turn!

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Married young couple. The first day of sex, second, third ... the couple tells his young wife: - You have not yet tired of the monotony?
Wife:
 - Your suggestions?
He:
 - Let's go to bed 69, and both will be good!
We went, passes five minutes, he turned:
 - Do you know how many people were involved in the excavation of the Eiffel Tower?
She shook her head:
 - Mm-hmm ...
He:
 - 150 thousand.
Continues. Again five minutes later:
 - Do you know how many vertical piles were scored in the construction of the Eiffel Tower?
She:
 - Mm-hmm ...
He:
 - Five thousand.
Continues. Five minutes later:
 - Do you know how much energy is spending an adult when climbing the Eiffel Tower?
She interrupted:
 - Ugh, so how do you know all this ?!
He:
 - Yes, you know, you have a piece of paper stuck to the ass ...

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Hovye slogans for leading the program "weak link»:
 - Who has not been studied in vocational schools, because it is not passed on competition "2 seats per person»?
 - Who for 25 years presented with a puzzle of 4 pieces?
 - Whose mom thought that beer belly?
 - Who bowling grabbed his head with three fingers and threw him into bowling?
 - Who dancing Serduchka sober?
 - Who made the birdhouse from guitars and forgot to remove the strings?
 - Who makes repeated chest X-rays, because blinked?
 - Who of April shat himself at the door, rang the bell and ran away, and then came back and cried?
 - To the parents were allowed to walk late, and themselves moved?

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Somehow differently I looked at the cosmonaut cosmonaut Petrov Ivanov, when the spacecraft ran out of food.

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 - Can I sleep with an open window?
 - Is possible, if no one else ...

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Calls Jew in an ambulance:
 - Hello! First?! .. Call me, and I'm from a mobile phone!