About delivery with humor Bashny.Net

Giving birth women about the process I was not told. Smiled enigmatically and said that, well, she'll know. And I turned to the source of knowledge. In the book "Mother and Child" was written: "Genera ... proceed virtually painless with little or soreness, which a woman is easy to tolerate." "Contractions are usually transferred easily." And all of that sort. The authors were listed some Arkhangelsk and Speranskii -both note, guys.
In the hospital, I was like a holiday, proudly sticking out his belly and his airship dancing with impatience. Lying in the maternity unit I am very sorry that my side no Speranskii, as well as the Archangel. They have a lot of ogrebli me heaviest ship and stand away from the dropper. This is somehow compensated for non-pecuniary damage and I would enrich their knowledge about childbirth.
In between contractions I hated Speranskii Archangel and the whole race of men at the same time and thought for anything more !!! Never !!! One child enough, and if the husband wants a second, let him and gives birth. Yeah !!! Obstetrician was young and nice man. From time to time he came to see me and said, caressing voice: "Well ... is this fight? No, that's not fight! "However, stay away from me at a safe distance. Obviously, my eyes were evil.
In the delivery room someone very loud shouting obscenities. It was scary. Finally my contractions seemed appropriate doctor, two midwives took me under white hands and dragged towards a new life. On maternity table.
"What a handsome boy!" - Cried midwife. I looked at him and felt a range of emotions, among them the excitement, joy, surprise and, of course, a huge relief.
The first feeding was solemn, as the parade on Red Square. It was necessary to perform the ritual ablutions, tie a scarf, put his foot on the bench and wait reverently child. And so we all sat and waited with nine men, when somewhere in the end of the corridor there was a noise. "This is our frog in korobchonke go" - someone joked. Frog were placed on a gurney as sticks in a woodpile. Eight of them were deafening food. One was silent. It was my.
The first time I took him in my arms and looked at him ... and realized that their torment I do not remember. And they - nothing compared with this little man. (Although Speranskii the Archangel still bastards). He looked stern and forbidding. Huge enormous eyes looked sternly, as if he kept going, whether I deserved such a treasure and whether to deal with me in the future. I was overwhelmed with feelings.
-So Here you are, Good Beetle! - Suddenly I said. So my child got his home name.
He sighed and decided that I deserve it, and finally to the breast.
So began our friendship.
Of stay in the hospital, I made two conclusions:
1. Childbirth - it's a nightmare. 2.Obyazatelno face for at least one child.
During the three weeks of life is mother Good Beetle quite mastered, grown his cheeks and come to some conclusions about the world:
- Sleep in a cot zapadlo. It is best to sleep on my father's belly (soft and hairy) or mom next door (warm and hearty). Just not cot !!!
- T * ka - from God, nipple - from the evil one.
- To dad ran enough sob. To mother heard a viper came, fog siren need.
- Grandma wants to heat death of the universe and to this end knits woolen socks.
- What is the point in the walk, if the wheelchair does not shake?
- If you have a stomach ache, let it get a feel for everything! Then feel better.

The first month of maternity debunked many myths that I was sure. The child takes a very long time, but I did not think that it takes all the time. Go to the toilet becomes a problem. But with months easier. Love comes gradually. The more I get acquainted with him, the more I love him. Until a child I was free as the wind, could go anywhere. Well, her freedom! Never not turn back time. Now I have so much more - a small world. And he is dear to me.
< Notya23