Funny stories :) Bashny.Net

I often wander across the expanses of the Internet in search of interesting and always funny, fun information. This time, I came across a woman's post, after reading which decided to throw it here. Many of us here are adults, family people, and, I hope, will understand all the nuances of his short stories from our beautiful half during pregnancy. I myself have a daughter and I work with children, so that nothing of what is discussed below is alien to me. Who does not like this theme, please do not waste time on it. :) Good mood to all!




I was deeply pregnant 8 months or 8, 5. Tummy has become stomach, large and round, well, in the sense of ... very prominent. And one day I was going to go to visit a friend. I'm calling her to say that I leave, and she asks me to go on the road to the drugstore and buy a pregnancy test ....
I went to the pharmacy, go up to the window and say aunt in a white robe:
 - Hello! Please give me a pregnancy test.
Auntie looks at me carefully. First, in my eyes, and then very carefully to my no small stomach, then again in the eye and so soft, kind, insinuating voice asked:
-A Are you in doubt?
I'm delving into the essence of what is happening, say with a straight face:
-YES!
When it came to her friend and told her everything, she was laughing very loudly, I would even say - neighing

I got pregnant on the job - a month or two on the line has stayed on the phone. And yet! ATAS! The minibus came and said: "Hello, my name is Anna ...." minibus somehow reluctant to me in response to hello.

When I began attempts, almost all of the maternity ward had gathered by my bed. I open my eyes, there is one man. Is closed and reopened, and they have two. Lock, unlock - four. Geometric progression stopped in eight health workers.

Two mothers, both torn, the doctor sews, humor. Girls are no laughing matter, do not respond. At this time in the corridor shouting: "Ivanovich, where are you-ee?!" The doctor, without looking up from the seam, "Oh, I do not want to respond to rhyme!" Bellow all ...

The doctor came every day, jokes, and finally taught us to breathe and gave a simple and succinct statement: "Girls do not have to yell. Children are not born through the mouth! »

On the third Uzi we went with her husband. He was so moved that much grunt with pleasure

My husband even said - sit in the corner, do not touch me, do not say anything and do not go !!! Here he sat, and all the families in the corner of a generic pale and with square eyes ...

And when I start operating after caesarean waste, I open my eyes, all the floats and spins, obvozhu blearily around - nobody! I thought: "Now shout out loud, call your doctor Ali nurse know though as Lala. In fact, instead of the loud cry, as she wanted, she sounded hoarse, quiet, and somehow slowly pronounce the words: "Lyuyuyuyuyudiiiii !!! Auuuuuuuuuu, vygdeeeeee ??? !!!! "directly overhead there was a chuckle anesthesiologist (Top Cho then my eyes are not raised), as well drawl:" We zdeeeeees !!! »

My husband is with higher education, PhD sincerely believed that the umbilical cord of the child is the food that I eat!

And I had planned CS. I called my husband to tell and complaining that there is not allowed. And he told me in all seriousness: "Right not allowed - you w STOMACH cut will take the child - it is necessary to blank»

And our dad once said that the baby in the stomach sitting. I was offended, I say, he does not sit there and live! Now the pope says that the baby in my mother's tum period shakes.

The feel of the battle about such: if you eat a kilo of unripe plums this belly twist, but even multiplied by 100+ Dubas log on the lower back.

I told my husband: "And here I read on the internet that if you put your ear to the belly, you can hear the beating heart of the baby!»
My husband looked at me anxiously and earnestly said: "Please, promise me you will not do it !!!!»

The midwife said that now 2 shovchika impose. It imposes - not hurt. SEND admire She called Molchanov, he imposed yet departed - are together, I admire them, "You there, in the" tic-tac "play ?!»

And when I gave birth to my daughter fights frequent and there was no power to relax, I was shaking just from the pain and I started to wail, "Save me, help me! Save me, help me! "The midwife comes and says I'm just like Winnie the Pooh, when he is in a burrow Rabbit stuck.

With 2 attempts born head. The midwife happily said: "The head is born and claps eyes."

The contractions were strong, among them another managed to call her husband, saying, "I'll pour into the food snowstorm and close the toilet, when you burst, and then I'll tell you that you can not, be patient !!!". He laughed.

All entreaties doctor to push my body responded complete misunderstanding. Not 5 years at university or language skills, no great experience - nothing helped. And then the doctor said one magic word ... Kaka. And then I understood everything!

All pregnancy hurts one problem - before bedtime bakes um ... below the waist, too shy to ask your doctor. I go online, I enter in the search engine "bakes buttocks", "burning ass", but could not find it. Good husband says it is growing a tail.

Contractions were already very strong and bolnyuchie. I semiconscious asked me to put down, and received an answer that only euthanized cats and dogs.

Me caesarean trafficked into the corridor, I saw - my husband and son in the hand is worth - so pleased. We drove up to him, stopped. He asks: "How do you feel?" Me: "OK, just shaking badly." My husband asked the doctor: "Why it shakes?". One so seriously replies, "Frost soon!»

Everything was a blur. I remember only a stick of iron bed, I accidentally break off and tried to hide.

Doctor: - What is the account pregnancy?
I am a first
Doctor: Abortion was?
I am no
Doctor: gave birth?

The first daughter gave birth to a 5 course. They say, climb on a chair while asking some questions of "when and how" to fill his papers ... and then the question: "hemorrhoids was?" Me: "Sure was !!! especially with physics! ". At this point, they just shift change and there were doctors and students was ... thought all were dead with a laugh. Asks: "The disease has hemorrhoids ???" I, "but what is it ??»
At that time, someone started to cry with laughter ...

Midwife I sat down to sew, and I'm lying, I tell her jokes, she laughs and asks me not to laugh ... and then it said, will write and cocoa from one place!

I crawled on all fours with the pangs of childbirth, and her husband massaging me at the same time on the mobile phone to someone in zahleb said that we have never been so fun and original way not celebrated my birthday

In the last months of pregnancy in our city, I think I already knew almost all bushes

During fights with all his strength, I came up against the wall with his hand, causing the bed on wheels rolled away for a couple of meters to the operating table, the next battle pushed away from the table, I rolled back to the wall. And rolled on the ward before delivery

Contractions long, new mother yelling obscenities good, suffering ... Husband nerves ran to smoke when he returned, he had the maternity box to enter did not, and sat down in the corridor next to the entrance to the box on a bench and there groaning wife shouted to her: "Hold on , Vera! I'm with you, my dear, hold on, my dear !!! ", and so it is her moral support as long as the runs nurse told him," What are you yelling ??? Your wife gave birth to a long time, and she was taken to another room! ". And there's another gave birth ...

The doctor came the next inspection, found me already squatting and slowly chewing a blanket. He was delighted that the process has begun

Oh, this mysterious "little unpleasant" from a doctor! This usually means "tryndets how painful»

Someone told me I can not remember a great company went to visit a woman has given birth. Evening, winter, dark, a man climbed a tree, close to the window to see his wife and child. And ... gone. Long does not come down. So, oil painting! On all sides there are voices husbands, friends, mothers, pregnant women who came to visit, "Masha! Sveta! Luda! ... "Well, etc. And this style company and is screaming in unison, looking into the windows of the hospital: "VOVAAA !!!»



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